I found out from Pilia that letter-carriers are being sent to you on the 15th, and so at once I scrawled down this little something. First of all, I want you to know that I am going to Arpinum on May 17th, so you should send anything there after this, although I shall be with you myself very soon. Before I come to Rome, I want to sniff out what is about to happen more carefully—although I fear that I have not guessed wrongly. It’s not difficult at all to see what that lot are working at. My student (who dines with me today) really does love the man that our dear Brutus wounded.1 And if you ask (for I have seen it clearly): they dread peace. The hypothesis they set forth is that a most illustrious man has been killed; that the whole Republic has been thrown into confusion by his untimely death; that everything he did will have been in vain as soon as we stop being afraid; that he was hurt by his own clemency—if he had not shown it, none of this could have happened to him.
The thought comes to mind that if Pompey arrives with a strong army, which seems probable, there will be war for certain. This vision—the thought of it disturbs me. For what was allowed to you then will not be allowed to me now, since I was openly rejoicing.2 They also say I am ungrateful. There is no chance that what was allowed for you and many others then will be allowed. So must I show my face and go to war? Better to die a thousand times, especially at this age. And so the Ides of March no longer console me, as they did before. For they contain a major fault, even if those young men did ‘shake off this shame through other noble acts.’3 But if you have better reason to hope, since you hear much more and take part in their discussions, please write to me, and at the same time think about what I should do about a Votive Legation.4
For my part, many people here have warned me about going to the Senate on the 1st. It is said that soldiers are being assembled in secret, and assembled against those men whom I feel will be safer anywhere than in the Senate.
Read Ad Atticum 14.22 in Latin here | Check the glossary here
Cicero’s ‘student’ is Hirtius. He had been trying to teach him oratory, and to be less of a Caesarian.
Atticus had been able to remain neutral and uninvolved in any fighting in the civil war between Caesar and Pompey. Cicero could not now claim to be neutral after rejoicing over the death of Caesar.
A line from an unknown Greek tragedy.
From Lewis and Short: ‘A free embassy assumed for the purpose (often a mere pretext) of paying a vow in a province.’