11th May 44 BCE: To Atticus (at Lanuvium) from Cicero (at dinner with Vestorius)
Cicero is old and bitter
[This is the second of two letters from May 11th.]
A little after I had given my letter to Cassius’ letter-carrier on the 11th, my own letter-carrier arrived with—almost supernaturally—no letter from you. But I quickly conjectured that you were at Lanuvium. Eros hurried to have Dolabella’s letter conveyed to me, not about my affair (he has not yet received my letters about it), but a reply to the letter which I sent you a copy of; and it is a splendid reply at that.
But when I had sent Cassius’ letter-carrier away, Balbus immediately came to visit. Good gods, how easily one can see his dread of peace! And you know the man, how guarded he is. Yet he told me of Antony’s plans; that he is making the rounds of the veterans, to get them to support Caesar’s acts, and to swear an oath to do so; and he is making sure that they all have weapons, which the local magistrates inspect every month. Balbus also protested about his own unpopularity, and his whole way of talking showed his love for Antony. In short, there is nothing genuine about him.
I have no doubt that it is looking like there will be war. That deed was performed with the courage of men, but the planning of children.1 Who could fail to see that an heir to his rule was left behind? What could be more absurd! ‘To fear this, and not fear at all the other’!2 In fact, at the moment many things are in quite bad taste—Pontius’ villa at Naples, owned by the mother of a tyrant-killer!3 I must read the Cato the Elder that I dedicated to you more frequently.4 Old age is making me more bitter—I am angry at everything. But I have lived my life—let the young see to it. Please look after my affairs, as you always do.
I wrote (or I should say dictated) this after dessert had been set out at Vestorius’. Tomorrow I am thinking of having dinner with Hirtius the Five-Mouthed. Thus do I plan to bring him across to the Optimates. What rubbish! There is not one of that lot who does not dread peace. So let us look to our winged sandals—anything other than soldiering.
Please give my very best to Attica. I am waiting to hear about Octavius’ speech and anything else, and especially whether Dolabella’s purse is jingling, or else if he has declared a cancellation of debts in my case.
Read Ad Atticum 14.21 in Latin here | Check the glossary here
i.e. the assassination of Caesar. Cicero thinks the assassins should have killed Antony as well.
A line from an otherwise unknown play. Cicero also quotes it at Cic. Att. 12.51.
‘But beyond all others Caesar loved Servilia, the mother of Marcus Brutus, for whom in his first consulship he bought a pearl costing six million sesterces. During the civil war, too, besides other presents, he knocked down some fine estates to her in a public auction at a nominal price…’ (Suet. Iul. 50.2 trans. Rolfe).
Cicero’s Cato the Elder on Old Age.