13 June 58 BCE: From Cicero (at Thessalonica) to Atticus (in Rome)
Cicero tells Atticus why he told his brother not to visit him in exile
[This is the second of two letters from June 13th.]
My brother Quintus left Asia before May 1st and reached Athens on May 15th. He had to really hurry in case disaster struck while he was away—if there is perhaps anyone who is not content with the evils we already face.1 And so I preferred that he hurry to Rome rather than come to me. At the same time (I shall tell you the truth, from which you can tell the magnitude of my miseries) I could not imagine seeing him, when he loves me so much and is so soft-hearted and in such a state of grief, nor could I imagine, when I am so overcome with mourning, showing him my misery and the ruin of my fortune, or allowing him to see it.
And I was also afraid that he would be unable to leave me—this would surely have happened. Swimming before my eyes was a situation where he would either have to dismiss his lictors or be forcibly torn from my arms.2 I have avoided the result of this bitter pain by choosing the bitter pain of not seeing my brother.
You have all driven me into this fate by convincing me to stay alive. And so I am paying for my mistake. Your letter keeps me clinging to life, though—I can easily tell from it how much you hope at least. Still, it provided some solace, until the part where you came to Pompey, writing: ‘Now lure in Hortensius and men of his sort.’3 Please, my Pomponius, do you not yet see whose doings, whose treachery, whose crime has destroyed me? But we shall talk about this in person. I say only what I think you know: it was not my enemies, but people who are jealous of me who ruined me.
Now, if you have reason to hope, I shall cling to life and rely on whatever hope you tell me to rely on. But if, as I suspect, your hope is baseless, then what I was not permitted to do at the right time, shall be done at the wrong time.4
Terentia thanks you often. For me too, one of the evils I face is fear: the business of my miserable brother. If I knew what the situation was, I would know what I should do. I remain at Thessalonica, as you suggest, waiting for those favours and letters. If I receive any news, I shall know what to do about the rest.
If, as you write, you set out from Rome on June 1st, you will see me soon. I have sent you the letter I have written to Pompey.
Sent June 13th, from Thessalonica.
Latin text of Cic. Att. 3.9 | Glossary | Where is Cicero?
Cicero worried that Clodius would seek further vengeance by prosecuting Quintus for alleged mismanagement of his province.
Quintus still held imperium as the governor of the province of Asia, and thus was accompanied by lictors. If Quintus chose to stay with Cicero and not return to Rome, he would have to give up his imperium and his lictors to do so.
This is a rare quotation of one of Atticus’ letters!
Either Cicero will kill himself, or Clodius will kill him or cause his death.
Marcus, get down off the cross. We need the wood.