October 44 BCE: To Cicero (at Tusculum) from Gaius Matius (at Rome)
Matius is angry and bitter about the death of Caesar, and doesn't care who knows it
I was very glad to receive your letter—I understood from it that your opinion of me is just what I hoped and wished for. Although, I hadn’t doubted this; but because I valued your opinion of me very highly, I took care that it would remain unblemished. However, I was conscious of the fact that I had done nothing that would cause offence to any good man. I believed even less that anyone equipped with your numerous excellent talents could be persuaded of something without thought, especially someone to whom my friendly feeling was—and is—well-disposed and without end. Since I now know this is as I wanted, I shall respond to the charges which—as you should, due to your unique goodness, as well as our friendship—you have often defended me against.1
I am aware of the allegations against me after the death of Caesar. They fault me for grieving for the death of a man who was my dear friend, and for being angry that someone I loved is dead. They say one’s country should be put before one’s friendship—as if they have now proved conclusively that his death benefitted the Republic! But I shall not keep trying to be clever. I confess that I have not reached that level of wisdom of yours: for it was not Caesar I followed in the civil disagreement, but a friend, and although I disagreed with the situation, still, I did not desert him. Nor did I approve of the Civil War, or even the cause of the disagreement; and I even put all my effort into suppressing it as it grew.
And so after the victory of that man who was my dear friend, I was not taken with the charm of a higher position or money, although others who had less influence with him than I did took excessive advantage of these rewards. Even my own property was reduced by one of Caesar’s laws—while many who rejoice at the death of Caesar benefited from it, and remained in the State.2 I worked as hard for defeated citizens to be spared as I did for my own safety.
Therefore can I not be angry—I who wanted everyone to remain unharmed—that the man who brought this about has died? Especially when those same men were the cause of both the hatred against him, and his destruction? They say: ‘Then you are blamed because you dare to disapprove of our act.’ What unheard of arrogance, that some men are permitted to boast about their crime, while others are not even permitted to grieve with impunity! Yet, even slaves have always been free to do these things—to hope, to be afraid, to rejoice, to grieve, of their own accord and not another’s—feelings which, in fact, those ‘authors of liberty’ of yours are trying to torture out of us through fear.3 But they accomplish nothing. I shall never stray from duty and kindness out of fear of danger; for I have never thought that one should flee from an honourable death, and even have often thought that one should go to meet it.
But why are they enraged at me, if I think that they should regret what they did? I hope Caesar’s death leaves them all with a bitter taste. But (they say) I ought, as a citizen, to want the Republic to be healthy. If both the way I have lived so far and my hope for what is to come don’t prove that I want this despite my silence on the subject, I don’t ask anyone to just take me at my word that this is what I want. And so I ask you with more force than usual to regard the facts as more important than words, and, if you think it expedient for things to turn out right, to not believe that I can be at all involved with evil men. Do you think I would deviate from what I did so well in my youth—when I even had an excuse available if I went astray? Do you think I would unravel my own life?
I shall not, and nor shall I do anything that would cause offence, except for grieving for the painful fate of the person most closely joined with me, and a man so distinguished. But if I felt otherwise, I would never deny what I was doing, or I would be thought both evil for the crime, and cowardly and false for pretending I had not committed it.
But I supervised the Games which young Caesar put on for Caesar’s victory.4 That was a matter of private duty, not the state of the Republic. Still, I could not refuse a service I was duty-bound to fulfil to the memory of the man who was my dearest friend even after his death, when a young man I have the highest hopes for, who is very worthy of Caesar, asked it of me.
I also have often gone to the consul Antony’s house, to pay my respects. You will find the same people who think I do not love my country enough going there often, in large crowds, to make some request of him, or obtain some favour. What presumption! Caesar never prevented me from associating with whoever I wanted to, even when he himself did not like them—but the men who stole my friend from me are trying through slander to prevent me from liking who I want to!
But I am sure both that the moderate way I have lived will be strong enough against future false rumours, and that those who dislike me because of my constancy towards Caesar will not rather that their friends were more like me than like themselves. For my part, if I get what I wish for, I shall spend what remains of my life in peace at Rhodes. But if some misfortune prevents this, I shall be in Rome, as I always want things to turn out right.
I am very grateful to our dear Trebatius, because he revealed your simple and friendly feelings towards me,5 and because he has given me more reasons for why I should cherish and respect someone whom I have always been glad to love.
Goodbye, be well, and keep me in your thoughts.
Read Ad Familiares 11.28 in Latin here | Check the glossary here
Footnote borrowed from Shackleton Bailey: ‘Did Matius believe this? It seems improbable.’
Probably a law on debt.
Matius’ comparison between the political climate and slavery is weakened by the fact that unlike free citizens like Matius, enslaved people could actually be tortured.
The ludi victoriae Caesaris, which incorporated funeral games in memory of Caesar. ‘Young Caesar’ is Octavian.
Footnote borrowed from Shackleton Bailey: ‘What was in Matius’ mind as he wrote these words and in Cicero’s as he read them?’
the passive-aggression dripping off of this. incredible